snarkopticon

I saw a bee fall stone-still after taking its fill from a flower blossom. I hope that I may be so lucky as to be struck down in the middle of some sweet task.

— 3 days ago with 1 note

Sometimes when it’s too hard to care for myself for my own sake,

I imagine that I am a vessel consecrated to the unknowable purposes of some ancient, smiling goddess

who has grown forgetful in her old age.

She set me down here

just for a moment,

but her vessels are many and her minutes are as a dozen lifetimes.

I fear she has forgotten me.

But I must not forget her, or the purpose for which she made me,

some arcane rite for which I was cast of brittle clay

and in which I may yet one day participate,

despite the chips and stains I have accumulated while awaiting her.

She wouldn’t forget me here,

not forever.

Soon she will fill me with cool, clear water from a sacred spring

and hold me to her bosom while speaking words of power over me.

I will wait for her. I will wait.

— 5 days ago with 4 notes

kingtrapsby:

I think I’m going to compile a list of the saddest songs I know. So far the list is:
- Adele - Someone Like You
- Frank Ocean - Bad Religion
- Sam Smith - Stay With Me
- Aaliyah - Miss You

Please feel free to add more lol.

Sam Cooke “A Change is Gonna Come”

Rodriguez “Cause”

Fleetwood Mac “Landslide”

Joy Division “Love will Tear Us Apart”

Nina Simone “Ne Me Quitte Pas” and “Four Women”

The Cure “Disintegration”

Kurt Vile “Runner Ups”

(via perpetuallyplainjane)

— 5 days ago with 11 notes
#sad songs  #songs to avoid if you have the morbs 

Day four of fasting. I didn’t water down my cranberry-apple juice enough this morning, and it shocked my tongue, cramped my salivary glands, and made my head reel like I had chiefed a whole O of that presidential, my heart was beating so damn fast…

I feel ok today. I’m ok. Yesterday, tho…! I drove all the way across town and fed my precious laundry quarters into a parking meter just to hear a No that could’ve been said just as clearly through phone or email… but that’s ok.

I held my tears in and went home to cry and I wrote a poem about it, so all is well, and all manner of thing shall be well with me, even if I have to step outside of myself for a while and watch these feelings settle from a distance.

I thought I was fasting to help loosen my grip on life, but no. I’m fasting for distance, so I can see that these fears and feelings are not me, but just something that’s happening to me, something apart from me and raining down on me, but all storms end, or maybe someone tall enough will let me under their umbrella.

— 5 days ago with 3 notes
#fasting  #disordered eating tw  #i bet yall babies don't remember that song tho 
waspycurvy:

snarkopticon:

My go-to outfit last month: one of my leather Mystic City corsets over this gathered-waist skirt I made out of a tea-dyed bedsheet. 

TEA DYED BEDSHEET? This looks like a lovely linen peasant skirt! It looks just gorgeous on you with your corset :D 

*emoticon of bashful pride*

waspycurvy:

snarkopticon:

My go-to outfit last month: one of my leather Mystic City corsets over this gathered-waist skirt I made out of a tea-dyed bedsheet. 

TEA DYED BEDSHEET? This looks like a lovely linen peasant skirt! It looks just gorgeous on you with your corset :D 

*emoticon of bashful pride*

— 5 days ago with 120 notes

Over my head, I hear angels in the air.
Not baby-sweet, cherry-cheeked cherubim, but tall, imposing figures, avenging angels who speak in trumpet-blasts and ringing silence.
Over my head, I see trouble in the air.

— 6 days ago with 1 note
#I may be tripping 

Day three of fasting and silence. I broke my fast last night, ate a few crackers to see if I was hungry. I was not. Empty stomach, clear-ish head.

I’ll break my silence this afternoon to speak to a professor about my teaching practicum, as if I really believe that I will ever graduate.

This fast is such a relief. I hadn’t realized how much energy was required of me for food storage and prep without a fridge or a stove. So much easier to sip watered-down juice to quiet my stomach and devote my time/money to other things.

This silence is a burden, though. There are so many things that I feel need to be said, but I’m learning that my words are like wind, weightless and unheeded. People say to me whatever they want to say, and they do what they will. No words, sweet or sharp, will change that. So I will do what little I can to care for myself and stay on my path and stay out of the way.

— 6 days ago with 1 note
#food cw  #fasting 

You know you’re in a rough neighborhood when the mockingbirds imitate the shrieks and wails of car alarms as well as the songs of other birds.

— 1 week ago with 2 notes

I’m tired of friendly advice to hang in there, try harder, think positive. I have dug my fingernails so deeply into this wretched life, trying to hang on, that my hands are ragged and bloodied and numb. Who are you to reproach me if my strength is failing?

I’m tired of people who expect me to stay sweet and pliant in the midst of suffering. If you’re surprised by a few bitter words from my mouth, then you clearly don’t know me or understand what I’m going through.

I’m tired of sketchy dudes skeeving me out in public, making me feel unsafe (in broad daylight, when I’m covered from neck to knees, and in the company of men, not that any of that should matter). And for that matter, what good is any boy, if he is not a creep deterrent?

I’m tired of living in a tumble-down house with no creature comforts, just endless dust and darkness and oppressive heat and mosquitoes that suck me dry each night.

I’m tired of repeating myself 17 times and still hearing, But how was I supposed to know…? 

I’m tired of ignorant people telling me how to deal with my mental illness.

I’m tired of ignorant people giving me unsolicited advice.

I’m tired of ignorant people.

I’m tired of people.

I am tired.

— 1 week ago with 9 notes
#i'll rant if i want to  #i'll be a raving madwoman if i have to 

This has been a summer of magic, but I have been too careworn to care. The moon tides ran high in my blood, and I felt myself rounded and ripe and glowing as the full moon, but there is no one I can share this energy with, none to appreciate it.
The moon wanes and I feel hollowed-out, ancient, as if I’d gone straight from maiden to death-crone.

— 1 week ago with 1 note